The funniest stuff I've read in a long time is in this "article" on the California ballot initiative voters "approved" to build a high-speed rail line to Hawaii.
"This is a great day for California," says Walter Miller, leader of the Yes on 49 campaign. "Sure it's relatively easy and cheap to fly to Hawaii. But why would you want to take a 5-hour flight, when you can take a 15-hour train ride in an underground tube?"
Having basically sworn off the sitcom genre since, I dunno, The Cosby Show, I hadn't heard of Last Man Standing until my brother-in-law finally suggested it. The latest episode 'School Merger' [sign in to your TV subscription provider required] features the grandson (with a enviro-leftist son-in-law father) dressed up as an "earth destroying" lump of coal for Halloween, and a reference to Governor Hickenlooper as a fictitious candidate (because, what, you expect me to believe that's a real name?)
Here's a taste that doesn't require authentication.
DVR'ing is recommended.
Did I mention that Mike's wife, Vanessa, is a geologist who works for a coal company? Har!
So is the bag slogan a proletarian fig-leaf for the Bourgeiose Chipotle corporatists? For its part I am critical of TPNN's take that "the Mexican grill took another step to the left by writing slogans on their bags that include plainly Communist rhetoric" with the slogan:
"Hope that, in future, all is well, everyone eats free, no one must work, all just sit around feeling love for one another."
I wrote on their FB post, "Am I the only one who recognizes the difference between "no one must work" and "no one DOES work?"
Only weeks after leaving office, Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come out and fix it. Joe drives to Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive gated community where all the residents make more than $250,000 per year. how much it will cost. Joe checks his rate chart and says, "$9,500." "What?! $9,500?" Obama asks, stunned,
Joe says, "Yes, but what I do is charge those who make $250,000 per year a much higher amount so I can fix the plumbing of poorer people for free," explains Joe. "This has always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied the Democrat Congress, who passed this philosophy into law. Now all plumbers must do business this way. It's known as 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014.' Iím Surprised you haven't heard of it
From a comment to Kyle Smith's Finita La Commedia (RTWT). I pretty much agree with Kyle; as I noted in the comments below I am doing what I hereby acronym as GLG (Going Limited Galt). I will concentrate on family, local and state. As far as FedGov, haters gonna hate.
Anyway, to the witty and doubleplus good QOTD II:
What could be more important to two people who love each other and want to spend their lives together than to have Americaís federal government, through official bureaucratic processes and hence in some vague, attenuated, abstract, disembodied, impersonal and unintentional sense verify or certify their love, governmentally? Whatís $16 trillion dollars of debt when compared to that?
Since KA still hasn't been trained to include the ThreeSources hashtag (repeat after me: #3src, #3src) and since some people don't know what they're missing on Twitter, and since it is AWESOME funny, I'm promoting this to embed.
I did my best to come up with an optimistic answer to today's Libertario Delenda Est but except for "Libertarians don't vote" I couldn't do it. Instead I'll distract with humor in the form of a "Stupid Internet Comment of the Day."
While searching reports of Mitt Romney's Home Run Tuesday I read some comments on the HuffPo version of events. If you've already read my post highlighting the significance of Romney's statement this will be even more transparently stupid than it already is:
"I'm a big believer in stuff. It can be very comforting. You can't have too much stuff. You have too little storage space. (...) As you get older, you hang on to pieces of detritus that keeps you connected with the past. It breaks my heart when I see people selling comics collections they've spent a lifetime collecting.
Q: Why are they selling their collections? For money?
A: Sometimes it's money. More often, it's a woman. They're the de-clutterers most often."
The Refugee had been sweating .30 caliber, 150 grain bullets trying to think of the perfect gift for Mrs. Refugee. Along comes an ad on the local talk radio station, 850 KOA, for laser hair removal. "What better gift than a laser hair removal monthly subscription?" says the ad.
"Indeed!" thinks The Refugee. Won't the Little Mrs. be pleased when he presents her with an envelope, not for a day of luxurious spa and facial treatments, with an opportunity to get rid of that unwanted hair? And for just a little more, varicose veins and non-invasive fat removal! But that's not all - for a limited time they are offering a 2 for 1 special. What better way to spend a little romantic time together than getting those stubborn hairs lased?
"Perhaps they have side-by-side beds," thinks The Refugee with unrestrained anticipation. He can hardly wait to see the look on Mrs. Refugee's face!
Shhh... don't tell her... this has to be a surprise!
Can we have a little fun here? I got this in a (I think) hilarious e-card from dagny's sister for Father's Day. I've shared the link via email with a few friends over the past weeks but wasn't sure if I should post it for fear of copyright infringment. Come to learn that the card company stole it too - from a place called COTM*. So here's the Youtube. My kids and I have almost all of it memorized after "dozens and dozens" of plays.
* COTM is Church On The Move. A hip little modern ministry out of Tulsa, OK. Good for them, although I had to start skipping ahead when they said "being a real dad is about self-sacrifice, it's about putting the people that we love first and taking care of them" and then some song about sinners. [If you do it for your own satisfaction then it isn't sacrifice. If you don't get satisfaction from putting your family first then don't become a dad.] Awesome vid though.
Another question I didn't know I needed the answer to is, "Who is Ricky Gervais?" But the internet dropped it in my lap so I read it. There are some funny lines. Like this:
So what does the question "Why donít you believe in God?" really mean. I think when someone asks that they are really questioning their own belief. In a way they are asking "what makes you so special?" "How come you werenít brainwashed with the rest of us?" "How dare you say Iím a fool and Iím not going to heaven, f--- you!"
Not necessarily as deep as Christopher Hitchens but more fun.
dagny and I thought this emailed "Governmentium" joke was funny enough to post, even though it's been around for years. I'll not reprint it but instead link to another blog that posted it in '07. There are also some good comments there.
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White
House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The
Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then
works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will
run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew
and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to
the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you,
and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
3. Crush a Third World economic development movement. One of the most pressing threats facing our environment is rising incomes in Africa, Asia, and Latin America. Only a generation ago, these proud dark people were happily frolicking in the rain forest, foraging for organic foods amid the wonders of nature. Now, corrupted by wealth, they are demanding environmentally hazardous consumer goods like cars and air conditioning and malaria medicine. You can do your part to stop this dangerous consumer trend by supporting environmentally aware leaders like Robert Mugabe and Fidel Castro to foster an economy of sustainable low-impact ecolabor camps.
8. Phase out the entertainment industry by 2011. If there is one sector of our economy that typifies America's obscene energy waste, it is the entertainment industry. Every year untold gigawatts are consumed to power studio kleig lights, theater projectors, popcorn machines, and multi-city concert tours, with no discernable benefit to society. With your help, this destructive drag on our environment can be reversed within five years. Do your part by pledging to greenlight only those films that have recycled or incomprehensible story lines, and by signing preachy and unlistenable musical acts. By purging the entertainment market of its dangerous popular appeal, you will be reducing the public's desire to make wasteful and expensive SUVs trips to their local concert halls, cineplexes and video stores.