Alito's First Day

The other day I rejoiced in the news that we now have a new SCOTUS Justice.

With hopeful anticipation I wrote...

I for one eagerly await the continued strip searches of 8 year old girls, the addition of boys to the list, coathanger abortions and warrantless phone tapping.

Jeff Goldstein at Protein Wisdom got a copy of Justice Alito's first day's itinerary.

7:53: Called his temporary clerk; citing “inherent authority” given the executive under the Constitution, demanded work begin on compiling a database on “non-traditional uteri”—defined by Justice Alito as “those potential gestational chambers that are used for purposes that do not include GOD’S MANDATE that we ‘be fruitful and multiply.’” This includes such abominations as the introduction into the giddyslit of synthetic or organic objects that have the potential to do grievous damage to future conception(s).

8:17: Prank phonecall to Cameron Diaz in which he identified himself as “the Patriarchy Police” and informed her that, now that rape has been legalized, she would need to leave Tuesdays and Thursdays open between 11am and 2 pm (with a working lunch, which would “likely consist of strawberries, whipped cream, honey, or flavored gels").

Good to see he's jumped right into his work.

SCOTUS Posted by AlexC at February 1, 2006 5:55 PM